One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

So, this weeks started off really well.  I was on top of my workouts and eating the way I am suppose to.  I am not saying that I eat 100% clean, but i’m moving in that direction.  Here comes the weekend and all hell breaks loose! Why is that? Why is it that I can do really well during the weekdays, but can’t seem to keep it together the other two and 1/2 days?!

Is is that I am in the “dieting” mindset? Have I not quite convinced myself that this will be my way of life for the rest of my life?  The difference between what I use to do then and what I do now is that I have learned that diets do work, but the ability to stick to them long term does not.  Ok, so maybe it’s the all or nothing that I need to get out of my head! Maybe that’s the problem! The all or nothing is the thought that if I ate something “off the diet” then the whole diet is blown. Hmm……… Maybe today’s little feast has not derailed my efforts to make a change.  Wow, I think that’s it.  I may never get into eating 100% clean and that’s ok, but I cannot let these little “unplanned” eating frenzies get me off my game.  I’m still in this and i’m still going forward!

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As far back as I can remember I have dieted. The first one I can really remember is my mother said to me that she wanted to lose some weight and we could lose together. I was eight. From that time on and I have been on a diet. I have been preoccupied with my body and always felt that if I could just lose the weight I would be happy. Reading other people’s stories I realize that I am not alone in my feelings. Over the years I have lost and gained many, many pounds. I have been on almost every diet you can imagine from Jenny Craig to Weight Watchers. All of them are successful and I would have to say that all diets work; meaning that you lose weight on them. The problem is you will eventually gain the weight back and that is where I find myself today.

I find myself at this point about 20 pounds over MY ideal weight. I capitalized my because by most standards I would still be considered overweight. Some people would say that 20 pounds is not alot and some would probably not even read this because they feel that their weight issues are bigger than mine. Maybe they are right, but this 20 pounds to me is major because this is my attempt at doing it the right way. I plan to do it without the gimmicks and pills. Now, this may be no big deal to some either but what I have discovered is that my weight issues are far bigger than just eating bad; they are mental. Why I eat seems to be more of the problem then what I eat. Every time I have “gone on a diet” I have succeeded for a short time only to start the out of control eating again. I have beat myself up for not being able to control myself and be successful which only caused the eating to be more out of control. So this time I have decided to not only go on this journey to lose the weight, but also to discover why I eat what I eat and what are the feelings behind it.

I hope that maybe someone will find some comfort and even partnership in my journey!


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